he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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