after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
