dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we're making bets on your personal life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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