doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
