i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
