When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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