Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
