I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
