god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
