I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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