Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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