nut hugger
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
