Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize