why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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