It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
