Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
