I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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