i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
