im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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