I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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