Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
