break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
