i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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