Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
