All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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