Jerry, you need to find god
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize