my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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