YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
