He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize