Your tits are I can't wait for
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
