I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
