You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
