i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize