At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
