If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
