We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
