In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize