found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
