it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
