We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
