So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want her autograph on my taint
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
