Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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