I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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