My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
