someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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