I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
