yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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