there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
