I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
