so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
