I'm really into asian looking animals
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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