I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
