where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
