Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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