Do you still have your period?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
