Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
