I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
