look no pants
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
