I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
