Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
