I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
