This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
