When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
