I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
