me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
