I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
