i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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