i don't like sucking hair
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
